10 Reasons: Kevin Garnett Pounds the Hell out of Himself

I'm sure you've all noticed that Kevin Garnett continually pounds the hell out of his chest after a big play, momentum swing, or to just get his team jacked up and frankly, it’s obnoxious as hell. The chest pound usually includes puckered lips and his signature evil eyes which of course makes it that much more inescapable.

So as we watched him whack away during the NBA Finals with the potential to break a sternum, we asked ourselves solemnly, “Why KG? Why do continue to beat yourself in a way that makes Sasha Headbandcich seem less obnoxious? Why sir? Why must you give us a reason to start discrediting everything you've done in your illustrious career? Why must you make us talk like the annoying preacher kid from 'There Will Be Blood'?”

This is what we could come up with:

10. After spending 12 years with the T-Wolves he has to make sure his heart is still beating. Fortunately, it is!


9. He’s really excited that his goatee is slightly better than Paul Pierce’s.



8. He’s just reminding us of his starring role in the smash hit Super Mario Brothers.


7. Because it's the only way to get away with wearing these bad sweaters.


6. Because pulling your team’s name up from your jersey is even more obnoxious.


5. It's his way of saying, "Danny Ainge, you da man! Now let me choke you!"


4. Because he has to live up to hits like these.



3. He's making up for sideways visors and Stephon Marbury.


2. To play with that kind of passion and heart, he’s got to have a way to keep his heart from bursting out.



1. After 20,378 points, 11,197 rebounds, 4,390 assists, 1,665 blocks, 1,382 steals, 37,873 minutes, and 998 games…he has finally won that trophy.

An Attempt at Recognizing Paul Pierce as the MVP

The overly obvious and predictable happened last night. Paul Pierce walked away with the NBA Finals MVP trophy. Of course many of you know my pick for the MVP (*Cough* Ray Allen), but also to many of you, my pick seemed completely unreasonable and bias. Hmm. Well here is my attempt to understand why Paul Pierce took home the gold after the Celtics won their 17th NBA Championship. (These will all be followed by question marks because I still need some answers.)

• He has played his entire career in a Boston uniform?
  

• He won 24 hours of ESPN time by using the greatest prop in recent history, a wheel chair?


• He scored 38 points in…in a losing effort?


• He shot 43% from the field while my pick shot 51%, but that’s ok because he must have been playing really solid defense?


• He went 2-14 in a game 3 loss, but that also doesn’t matter when your knee is probably hurting from game 1 and a long flight?


• Setting records for 3 pointers made in the NBA Finals is a meaningless stat?


• Hurting his knee is more of a feel good story than my pick’s child’s diabetes diagnosis?


• He has a really neat nickname that Commissioners can use to gain respect back after being booed?
  

And the last reason I can think of…

• Obviously Jesus has won enough praise and didn’t need an NBA Finals MVP trophy?

Lakers Make it 2-1! Premature?

Yeah, that is basically me putting it all on the line with a prediction that the Lakers are a sure bet to win tonight at home! (Back to our patented “feel test” for this one.) Don’t you just get that feeling that Kobe drops 40 or 50+ tonight? That Ray Allen and Paul Pierce won’t be on fire? And Rondo won’t dish out 16 dimes or whatever the hell it was the other night? That KG won’t pound his chest 20+ times, instead it will be like 10? That Lamar Odom won’t yell at the ref after each uncontested lay-up he makes? And Leon Powe will actually shoot less free throws than actual minutes played?

It does “feel” like a different day for the Lakeshow and my prediction of Lakers in 6 will still be alive! Just hope for Kobe licking lips, tonguing his cheek, and side smirking all night long if you are a Lakers fan. Hope that Lamar Odom shows up (for once). Hope that Gasol learns to move his feet on “D” (for once). Hope that Sasha isn’t taking last possession 3’s with Paul Pierce in his grill. Hope that Radmanovic isn’t looking for Sasha on those same last possessions and moving the ball away from the best player on the planet. Hope that Vanessa Bryant doesn't cuss out another reporter in front of her kids.

Keep this series alive Lakers! I’m not ready for the season to be over and for me to attempt to find enough blogging material during my first off season as a blogger!

Whoa Bill Russell, Calm Down Big Guy.

Did anyone else notice that obnoxious laughing cackle-ness streaming from their stereo speakers during yesterday’s pre-game show? I was trying not to watch the pre-game because I didn’t want to hear the 10 different takes on Paul Pierce’s comic knee issue and instead I was treated to one, Bill Russell laughing uncontrollably for who knows what reason.

At some point these big networks need to realize that having former players participate on their pre-game shows is not always the best idea. Russell seems genuinely like a nice guy, and I understand all the history that involves him, but the guy has no place on a TV set. Just because he won 9 or 11 championships with the Celtics doesn’t necessarily transpire to “TV personality genius” here people. How many 74 year olds do you know that would highlight a championship sporting event?

I guess there really is always one positive thing you can take from something negative though! His snarling laugh was so hideous that I’m not even sure what the pre-game discussions were. So in that light, I’m sort of glad he was there whaling away during Stu Scott’s rambling, clichéd, non-humorous rants and trendy chatter.

Thanks, but really, no thanks Bill.

The NBA Final-scars and Kobe: Cocked, Locked and...Jammed?

Come on Boston.

Not being at home for the 3rd quarter makes me extremely happy right now after hearing about the Paul Pierce Oscar-worthy performance. The guy jacks his knee, gets carried off the court, wheel chair’d to the locker room, and then comes out pumpin’ his fist like Ali only to drop 15 points and jump the Celtics out to a lead they would hold on to the rest of the game? Bleh…glad I went out for that turkey burger! Give this guy his award now!

Let’s just break this down and move on. Enough Willis Reed comparisons, it’s pathetic. The guy is good; we all know that. His knee obviously wasn’t as bad as he played it. Sure it hurts initially, but give me a break. I just hope you can come back Sunday so we don’t have to hear the excuses.


O Kobe, O Kobe, wherefore art thou 4th quarter performance?

Yeah, my only chance in history to quote me some Shakespeare comes straight from your bleh-worthy 4th quarter performance, Mamba. You start off with a bank “J” and I lean over to my better half and say, “It’s Kobe time…time to dominate” and then you go absolutely cold and start jacking up junk. You’ve got to give a ton of credit to Boston’s defense but I’m also going to hack on the Lakers for their lack of any sort of offense. There was no movement, no fluidity and a ton of horrible passes. Again, maybe we should just be giving all the credit to Boston’s defense…

Either way, I’m guessing that Kobe won’t go 9-26 (or whatever it was) on Sunday and if he does you better expect 70+ in game 3. I guess we should just let him, be him.

10 Ways to get Ray Allen Back on Track

It's time for my boy Ray Ray to get out of that damn slump. I may not be the biggest Celtics fan, in fact I can't stand 'em, but I do love Ray Allen. So smooth, so silky, and so sexy! Woo! I hate seeing him struggle like this and I thought I could help out with a nice list of ideas to jump him right out of this nasty little slide.


11. Remind him that he was once Jesus which allowed him to sleep with a young and sassy Rosario Dawson.

10. Remind him to read the Celtics Blog!

9. Remind him that he was #4 on our Pretty Boy List, which is a damn honor.

8. Remind him that just 2 years ago, he hit 269 threes! Wow.

7. Remind him that a skinny #32 with a face mask on the other team actually WON a championship with UConn.

6. Remind him that the owner of that shoe company that sponsors him managed to win 3 titles after the age of 33, so age should not be an excuse.

5. Remind him that shooting jumpers before the game with his shirt off will not help. (Did anyone else see that?)

4. Remind him that the "luck of the irish" can happen by rubbing Doc Rivers belly.

3. Remind him of that some people confuse Allen Ray for him. That should irritate the hell out of him.

2. Remind him that 54 points in a game was just a few years ago.

1. Oh lord...and remind him that he made this video for TNT...about the fundamentals of jump shooting.

Let's get it together Ray! Your boys squeaked one out tonight, but they'll need you the rest of the way damnit!

East vs. West - We're Finally Here!

With the first and second rounds out of the way, I feel almost refreshed to the NBA. The top 4 teams in the NBA have finally been set aside and I’m not sure that anyone should really be surprised. The “Final Four” of the NBA should bring out the best basketball in the world from the 4 best teams in the world. Not only have they been tested, (some more than others) but they have all won major battles or overcome injuries to key players in order to get to this place. These teams reached this point without excuses, but by playing their asses off against other top teams in rowdy road arenas yet, still persevering.


The Boston Celtics vs. The Detroit Pistons

As the supposed “top” team in the NBA, the Celtics have struggled mightily through the first 2 rounds and have yet to win a game on the road. They may have had the best record during the regular season, but it is obvious that this team is playing at a lower level now. They’ve managed to squeak through against weaker opponents, but will now face the “Beast of the East” in the Detroit Pistons. They’ll need to bind back together as they once did during the regular season and certain key players will need to find the greatness we’re accustomed to (cough…Ray).

Can they pull together once again and find a way to advance? The battles with Detroit during the regular season were noteworthy and I assure you these Playoff match-ups will be no different.

What about Detroit? Detroit is entering their 6th straight Eastern Conference Final and will obviously have a good feel for the pressure and atmosphere that this series will bring. They’ve done this many times by playing their “blue collar” style and the Celtics better come ready. The physicality of the series could weigh too heavy on the Celtics who have played 14 Playoff games in less than a month. I’m expecting the Pistons (if Chauncey plays) to move past the Celtics with ease. It may go 6 games, but we all know that the Pistons will take a game off here or there to finish up at home. I’d love to see a Celtics vs. Lakers Finals, but the early Playoff showings of Boston have been a complete disappointment.


The Los Angeles Lakers vs. The San Antonio Spurs

I never thought these words would come out of my mouth but, GO LAKERS! After watching the Spurs’ poise and experience dismantle the young Hornets last night, my hatred for them has grown to Edward Norton as the Incredible Hulk ridiculousness proportions. There has been bantering that if the Spurs allow Kobe to drop 40 a game and contain the rest of the team that they will roll through the series. Maybe, but something in my mind is telling me that Kobe will laugh at any strategy the Spurs throw at him and will do something incredible this series; something that we will remember for years to come.

Are the Spurs just too damn good though? Possibly. But are they also old as hell? Yes. Many believe that this could be the last year for the Spurs “dynasty” with many of their players hitting their peak long ago. Expect one last push from the “Big 3” and also expect to be annoyed by 25 Longoria camera shots per game. (The state of the series)

You may have reason to believe the Spurs are a dirty team, but those reasons will come full circle once this series has been completed. This series will undoubtedly go down in history as one of the greats of all time. Kobe vs. Duncan. Phil vs. Pop. Scrappy, chippy and gritty play from both teams will leave us all breathless after each game; strap on those Playoff seat belts and cheer with me as the Spurs dynasty comes to an end.

How are the Hornets "Feeling" to You?

I think it’s pretty clear that we operate on the “feel” test here at Le Basketbawl, so we’re wondering how everyone is “feeling” about the Hornets at this point?

They have definitely put on quite the show this year and even though I wasn’t sure if they were for real, they continue to prove me wrong. I’m still not getting the “feeling” that they can win it all though.

They almost “feel” a little bit like the Mavericks of 2 years ago. You know, the team that surprisingly rolled to the Finals to face the big dog Miami Heat only to fall short somehow with the series in hand. They have this young core group of players that have gotten really hot lately and everything is flowing so nicely, but in the East we have those cagey veteran Celtics that would love to abuse their lack of experience in an NBA Finals setting.

Now, in no way am I comparing Chris Paul to Dirk because I would expect a fat double slap to the face from every one of you, but I do “feel” like something is missing. I think it has to be experience…oh and they’ll have to go through a certain Laker player.

Let me have your thoughts!

NBA Season Half Over: Top 5 Stories

It has been a fantastic first half to this NBA season and you can feel that buzz starting to creep in as the All-Star break approaches. Critics have moved on from their hatred of the NBA and young stars and feel-good stories are taking over. As a basketball fan, you cannot help but love what you are seeing and will most likely continue to see in the second half and on into the playoffs.

We're giving you our top 5 story lines of the first half of the season. Tell us what you think!

5. The Knicks.

One of the most historic franchises in all of sports has turned into a complete joke. The New York Knicks have us all shaking our heads in disgust, but also laughing in shock. The downfall of the Knicks began last year with the contract extension of Isiah Thomas as coach when he had his team in position to possibly make the playoffs. James Dolan forgot however, that the season is longer than 40 games and of course the Knicks weren't close to a playoff bid as the season wound down.

The off-season gave us some great insight as to how much of an idiot Isiah Thomas truly is. We listened in to the updates of the Anucha Brown-Sanders trial and the eventual embarrassment sustained by the Knicks once the juicy details slipped on out. We realized how crazy Stephon Marbury is through his whack-o interviews and love of limousine sex. We envisioned the termination of Thomas, but then decided that was never going to happen and that he most likely has some great blackmail material on James Dolan.

This season was exactly what we expected and possibly even a little worse. The Knicks of course are pathetic, but their actual basketball play has not been the focus of NBA writers and fans. The front office has had the spotlight and will continue to get it as long as Dolan and Thomas are running this team. There have been rumors of Thomas denying trades and getting into personal verbal battles nightly with players. He's insisted that he will "never, ever" quit and is the only person alive that can fix this team.

It is a tragedy, but I can't help but smile a little. Isiah Thomas has been hated throughout the NBA for years and it pleases me to finally have it all come out. Anyone remember the Dream Teams? Ever wonder why Thomas was never a part of any of them? You can bet the Knicks drama will only get worse as the season continues, and man can I not wait!

4. Too Many Injuries.

Each year we deal with significant injuries to some of our favorite players, but this year we've dealt with it in waves! Top notch All-Stars have been dropping like flies and many of them started the year on the bench in street clothes and have yet to set foot on a basketball floor.

Gilbert Arenas had off-season knee surgery and was supposed to be ready to play by the beginning of the year. Well, he started the season, played 8 games, had another knee surgery and was within the last couple of days cleared to begin shooting again. You could tell from the get-go that Arenas was not at 100% and soon began to see swelling in the surgically repaired knee. After multiple opinions, Agent Zero shut it down and has been rehabbing since. Lucky for the Wizards, they have been on fire!

Dwyane Wade came into the year after having off-season knee and shoulder surgeries. He was also not ready to come back as soon as everyone had hoped and actually missed the first 7 games of the year. Once Wade had returned, you could see the tentativeness in his game. Major shoulder and knee surgery is never something to take lightly and Wade probably could have used another couple of months to get fully healed. The Heat have been horrific this year and much can be attributed to their not-so-healthy star. Wade has looked close to normal in that last week or so, but unfortunate for him, this season is long gone.

Elton Brand tore his achilles tendon in the off-season and has yet to return. A MAJOR injury and who knows when he is likely to see minutes on the hardwood again. The Clippers have felt this blow more than just about anyone. Brand was coming off 2 MVP caliber seasons only to be halted by this nasty little tendon. He's been in street clothes all year and will be examined again at the end of January to decide whether or not he can make his comeback.

Greg Oden, the #1 draft pick in 2007, came to Portland to celebrate, was named the "Savior," played a couple of summer league games, and then had micro-fracture surgery. We'll never know what the rookie year for Oden could have been like, but we do know the Blazers will be quite the force once he returns. The Blazers have surprised everyone this season, and can only look to the sky once GO returns.

The list goes on and on and includes the likes of Tracy McGrady, Shaq, Andrew Bynum and Mike Bibby. At least we've had some great basketball to watch, but these injuries need to stop!

3. The Disappointments.

There have been some great stories so far, but we have also had some huge disappointments through half of the season. Teams came into the season with high expectations not only from themselves but from the rest of us as well.

The Miami Heat, only a year removed from winning an NBA Championship have lost a staggering 14 games in a row! Shaquille O'Neal has been injured on and off, Zo tore a couple tendons in his knee, and Dwyane Wade has been at 80% almost all year. They made off-season moves that only Isiah Thomas could understand and they have reached the gutter of the Eastern Conference. At the half way mark, the Miami Heat have locked themselves out of the playoffs unless they win 40 of their last 41 games. I'm not sure how this can be fixed.

The Houston Rockets should be a title contender every year with their current roster. They hired a new coach, brought in a couple of key contributors and actually started the season off hot! That quickly ended, T-Mac hurt his knee and elbow and they have been sliding all over the board during the last couple of months. They rank 4th in their own division which is probably the toughest division in all of basketball and won't be easing up anytime soon. Unless T-Mac comes back strong, quits demanding trades to his friends and somehow fits in to their new style of play, this team will find themselves watching the NBA Playoffs on TV.

The Chicago Bulls are a freakin' mess! This team rolled over the Heat in last year's playoffs and got bounced in the next round by a much more mature Detroit Pistons team. The future was looking so bright and the Chicago stars were beginning to align; wow were we all fooled. The Bulls have to be considered the biggest disappointment of the year with as much talent and youth as they have. Through the first half the of the season, the Bulls have fired a coach, teamed up on rookie Joakim Noah, and fought off Kobe, Deng, and Nocioni trade rumors without success. This thing is unlikely to turn around, and that's fine with the rest of the league.

2. The Surprises!

We've had our share of disappointments, but let's not let those bring us down! We have seen some incredible basketball from some unlikely places and have enjoyed the hell out of it!

How about them Blazers! The Portland Trail Blazers have to be considered the story of the year up to this point. The Blazers grab the #1 draft pick, take Mr. Oden and lose him to season ending micro-fracture surgery before the season ever begins. The season had been written off, and the Blazers were picked to rack up 30 wins, maybe? Well that just hasn't been the case now has it? After managing just 32 wins all of last year, Portland finds itself atop the Pacific Division with an incredible 25 wins. They ran off 13 straight at one point and have practically locked in the coach of the year honors for Nate McMillan. We've seen the emergence of Brandon Roy as not only this team's leader, but as a foreseeable MVP candidate. Keep it up boys!

The Blazers story has been great, but the other incredible surprise has to be the New Orleans Hornets! At 28-12 on the season, they find themselves only a half game behind the Suns for the top spot in the West. Chris Paul should be in your top 3 for MVP choices and you can put Byron Scott right next to McMillan for coach of the year. The Blazers and Hornets have a ton of young talent and should continue to grow as the year goes on, look for them both to make splashes come playoff time.

Dwight Howard, what a beast! This kid grew up SO fast and has dominated game after game! His points are up, his rebounds are up, his blocks are up and the Magic have found themselves in first place in the South East division. He has to be considered a top 5 or 6 candidate for MVP and has completely revitalized the center position. You thought centers were on the outs? Not so fast says Mr. Howard.

1. The Boston Celtics are back.

Just what the NBA ordered! You can give most of the credit to the Boston Celtics for the NBA's success this year. When Boston is horrible, the NBA tends to be horrible. The media in the east drives everything and with Boston back, so are the writers and so is professional basketball. With 2 major moves in the off-season, the Celtics saw immediate success. Many questioned whether or not 3 giant superstars could play together, and that question was answered from game one.

Boston has the best record in the league at 33-6 and should cruise through the east on their way to a #1 seed come playoff time. They shouldn't find a challenge from many teams aside from the Pistons and will likely find themselves playing for that NBA Championship. If there was a team out east that could challenge the west, you found it with the Boston Celtics.

Man it feels good to be an NBA fan again!