Dialogue with the NBA: The Playoffs


I had a minute to sit down and chat with the NBA today about the upcoming playoff picture. He definitely had some interesting things to say!


Le Basketbawl: So…NBA, how are things?

NBA: Things are fan-doodly-tastic LB thanks for asking!

LB: Things are fan-doo…err, what? How come?

NBA: Well our trade deadline frenzy just went down and the Lakers just got better! Plus, the Celtics are leading a pathetic Eastern Conference and isn’t that all anyone cares about?

LB: (I sure as hell don’t!) But NBA, aren’t you looking for some parody league-wide once the playoffs start? I mean, come on now, the east was so pathetic last year that LeBron carried his B-list Cavaliers all the way to the NBA Finals only to get swept looking like a bunch of D-Leaguers. Is that really what you want?

NBA: Actually, LeBron and his new B-list crew don’t stand a chance this year! I’ve worked my off-season magic to bring the Celtics back from hell and they should have enough All-Stars now to run through the east and take on the Lakers for the NBA Championship. However, I do have to figure out a way to make sure the Pistons lose early as we all know they could possibly take down Boston. I could always lower the technical foul rule or you never know, maybe we’ll have a Tim Donaghy sighting! Is he in the slammer yet? I’ll have to get Stern on this one.

LB: Wow, already ensuring us of a Lakers vs. Celtics Finals huh? There are a lot of great teams out west besides the Lakers don’t you think?

NBA: If there are, I could care less! Wasn’t it obvious enough with that lopsided Gasol trade what I’ve been trying to do? Once we get the Lakers and Celtics in the Finals, I’ll have so much worthless media hype to flood your TV’s and newspapers for a solid month! And that reminds me, did I fine Greg Popovich for those comments he made publicly about the Laker/Memphis trade?

LB: Not that I’m aware of and I’m not sure that’s necessary. So you really are prepared to utilize the “bench rule” or something else to keep teams like the Suns or Pistons out of the NBA Finals again?

NBA: Of course! The bench rule is my favorite of all time! I’m not sure you could find me another league rule in any sport as absurd as that one. And wow is it fun to use and really irritate the hell out of everyone! Sternie, my little puppet, plays it to perfection!

LB: So the Lakers vs. the Celtics is what I should be expecting this year?

NBA: Damn right LB. Haven’t you noticed all of the articles starting to pour in about the NBA being back? Well once I get my way for the championship, I’ll really be back! “Kobe vs. KG!” “L.A. vs. Boston!” “Bird vs. Magic!” ESPN Classic will have a hay day with this one! Ratings will soar! And don’t forget Outside the Lines! Bob Ley you better get to work son!

LB: You really are sounding pathetic NBA…

NBA: Not as pathetic as that MLB/Roger Clemens saga! Until we have players’ wives HGH’ing their buttocks while comparing augmentations, we’ll be just fine.

LB: Damn…you’re absolutely right! I love this game.


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