10 Ways to get Ray Allen Back on Track

It’s time for my boy Ray Ray to get out of that damn slump. I may not be the biggest Celtics fan, in fact I can’t stand ’em, but I do love Ray Allen. So smooth, so silky, and so sexy! Woo! I hate seeing him struggle like this and I thought I could help out with a nice list of ideas to jump him right out of this nasty little slide.

11. Remind him that he was once Jesus which allowed him to sleep with a young and sassy Rosario Dawson.

10. Remind him to read the Celtics Blog!

9. Remind him that he was #4 on our Pretty Boy List, which is a damn honor.

8. Remind him that just 2 years ago, he hit 269 threes! Wow.

7. Remind him that a skinny #32 with a face mask on the other team actually WON a championship with UConn.

6. Remind him that the owner of that shoe company that sponsors him managed to win 3 titles after the age of 33, so age should not be an excuse.

5. Remind him that shooting jumpers before the game with his shirt off will not help. (Did anyone else see that?)

4. Remind him that the “luck of the irish” can happen by rubbing Doc Rivers belly.

3. Remind him of that some people confuse Allen Ray for him. That should irritate the hell out of him.

2. Remind him that 54 points in a game was just a few years ago.

1. Oh lord…and remind him that he made this video for TNT…about the fundamentals of jump shooting.

Let’s get it together Ray! Your boys squeaked one out tonight, but they’ll need you the rest of the way damnit!


  1. Ray Allen is up there with Reggie Miller as a 3 pt shooter, and given a different career path might be considered as clutch because he has hit some of the best clutch 3’s in recent memory (Against the Suns a couple years ago? 35 ft three looked like he was shooting a midrange jumper. That’s how effortless he makes shooting look.)

    And for the love of god, he’s Jesus. The other Jesus didn’t even stop being Jesus when he died around the age of 32. Apparently he got stronger. Maybe Ray Allen is just waiting to be reincarnated.

    And to be fair, bagging Rosario Dawson wasn’t exactly great for Jesus Shuttlesworth, seeing as he knocked her up and all.


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