I’m sure you’ve all noticed that Kevin Garnett continually pounds the hell out of his chest after a big play, momentum swing, or to just get his team jacked up and frankly, it’s obnoxious as hell. The chest pound usually includes puckered lips and his signature evil eyes which of course makes it that much more inescapable.
So as we watched him whack away during the NBA Finals with the potential to break a sternum, we asked ourselves solemnly, “Why KG? Why do continue to beat yourself in a way that makes Sasha Headbandcich seem less obnoxious? Why sir? Why must you give us a reason to start discrediting everything you’ve done in your illustrious career? Why must you make us talk like the annoying preacher kid from ‘There Will Be Blood’?”
This is what we could come up with:
10. After spending 12 years with the T-Wolves he has to make sure his heart is still beating. Fortunately, it is!
8. He’s just reminding us of his starring role in the smash hit Super Mario Brothers.
3. He’s making up for sideways visors and Stephon Marbury.
1. After 20,378 points, 11,197 rebounds, 4,390 assists, 1,665 blocks, 1,382 steals, 37,873 minutes, and 998 games…he has finally won that trophy.