1. “The Finals are set, Magic vs. Jazz!”
Oh lord…could you have a bigger ratings killer than that? I guess we would get to see Dwight Howard dunk all over Boozer for 4-5 games which would be fantastic. I’m always up for a former Dukie getting his head slammed in by a ball. Does Rashard Lewis still play in the NBA? Really? And how much are the Magic paying him?
2. “Stern still sticking to bench rule! Suns down Shaq, Amare and Barbosa.”
If the Spurs and Suns actually do face each other in the first round you better expect some fireworks, controversy and plenty of “Big Shot Bob”. Although his teammates might want to remind him that the Diesel is on the other bench now and checking miniature white guys into scorers’ tables will not be tolerated.
3. “MVP! MVP! MVP!”
Mimicking the chants heard every time Kobe steps to the line and when he drops 65 on the Nuggets. (If they actually make it to the Finals…spare me.)
4. “CP3! MVP!”
See #3 and insert Chris Paul. Also expect a higher dosage if he DOESN’T win the award and the Hornets start rolling through a couple of rounds.
5. “Matchup for the Ages!” “History will be made!”
Variations of this ridiculous headline are to be expected if the Lakers actually do meet the Celtics in the Finals. You get the point.
6. “Hawks make ‘Golden’ history!”
The thought of the Hawks pulling off last year’s Golden State heroics makes me want to vomit. I’m pretty sure KG won’t be allowing this, but hey Dirk did!
7. “Hibachi-less? No problem!”
The headline when Gilbert Arenas shuts it down AGAIN but the Wizards still sneak out a first round playoff victory. Then the blessings of the David Friedman’s of the world arguing that the Wizards are actually better without him. (I actually did just vomit while typing that…and my IQ dropped…and I should find the nearest busy intersection.)
8. “NBA Playoffs, Where re-seeding NEVER happens.”
I think we are all in agreement that the NBA is a little lopsided right now and I think we all agree that some changes may need to happen to keep the league competitive. How annoyed are you going to be when the first week of the playoffs happens and all you hear about is Golden State not making the it and the 6, 7, and 8 seeds out East not deserving to be there?
9. “Grizzlies seal #1 pick, expect Beasley.”
Poor Michael Beasley will be forced into one of the worst franchises in sports history. Can’t he just go to the Heat? PLEASE!
10. “The NBA Playoffs or the NBA’s second season?”
One week into the playoffs we’ll start to hear chatter about the length of the Playoffs and how the “regular season doesn’t matter” and blah blah frickin’ blah. As an NBA fan, I love the playoffs and think they are just fine with the length of each series. The biggest annoyance to me about the NCAA tourney is seeing some Cinderella team upset a big dog and then get trounced in the next round. The NBA Playoffs tries to keep that from happening.